Chained Heat (1983)

Chained Heat (1983)

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“You can get by inside if you do the right people — you know what I mean.”

Synopsis:
A naive young woman (Linda Blair) convicted of manslaughter is sent to prison, where she quickly learns that corruption is rampant, and strategic alliances are everything.

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Corruption
  • Prisoners
  • Revenge
  • Stella Stevens Films

Response to Peary’s Review:
Peary accurately refers to this New World WIP flick as a “ridiculous sexploitation” film which “lacks the fun or political subtext” of earlier entries in the genre, but is nonetheless guaranteed to “make any exploitation fan drool” due to its infamous grindhouse cast (including Sybil Danning, John Vernon, Stella Stevens, and Tamara Dobson, among others).

He misses the boat, however, in his mean-spirited assessment of a scene in which “Danning and Blair take a nude shower together and the tall, statuesque Danning is required… to display a sexual interest in the short, plump star”. Doesn’t Peary know that prison sex is often based on power dynamics rather than lust? And while she’s no Penthouse model, Blair’s actually quite cute here.

At any rate, fans of Women-In-Prison flicks won’t want to miss this badly-acted, ridiculously plotted, cliche-ridden smorgasbord of nudity, violence, sex, drugs, and corruption — complete with Blair’s transformation into a righteous avenger by the end. The rest of us, however, can feel free to skip it.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Joseph Conlan’s score

Must See?
No. Despite its status as a cult favorite, this one is really only must-see viewing for fans of WIP flicks.

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Certain Sacrifice, A (1985)

Certain Sacrifice, A (1985)

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“Do you think for once that any lover of mine could be tame?”

Synopsis:
When his new girlfriend (Madonna) is raped by a sleazy stranger (Charles Kurtz), a former college student (Jeremy Pattnosh) and his friends seek revenge.

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Rape
  • Revenge

Response to Peary’s Review:
Peary is far too generous in his review of this infamous student film, which he argues is “not the best but certainly not worthless”, and has some “bright ideas and wit floating around”. Made in 1979 (when Madonna was just 20 years old), it was strategically released by director Stephen Jon Lewicki as a quick money-maker six years later, when her fame was beginning to skyrocket. Apparently Madonna insisted on being paid $100 for her work in the film, resulting in a signed contract which later prevented her from legally removing the movie from circulation — but there’s not much here for her to be especially ashamed of, other than some tame nudity and her typically amateurish performance in a crude independent film.

As many have noted, she made so many awful films later in her career that this one doesn’t stand out as particularly egregious — it simply has the lowest production values and makes the least sense.

Indeed, it’s often difficult to tell exactly what’s happening in this pretentious and unbearably artsy movie, which focuses on a college drop-out (Jeremy Pattnosh) who roams the streets of New York and falls for a young girl (Madonna) who’s secretly involved with a “family of lovers”. Meanwhile, Pattnosh encounters a boorish pig (Charles Kurtz, who Peary argues “steals the film” in his role — not much of a stretch) at a coffee shop, then later rapes Madonna simply because she’s Pattnosh’s girl. A final orgy revenge scene caps everything off. The soundtrack, unfortunately, is by Pattnosh rather than Madonna herself. Ultimately, A Certain Sacrifice is the type of movie that was probably must-see during its moment of notoriety (as Peary notes, “initial reports claimed it was an S&M porno film”), but is now required viewing simply for those who are morbidly curious or genuinely hung up on Madonna.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:
Not much.

Must See?
No; unless you can’t contain your curiosity, feel free to skip this one-hour clunker.

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Roman Scandals (1933)

Roman Scandals (1933)

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“They didn’t put people out on the street in Rome.”

Synopsis:
When a nebbishy do-gooder (Eddie Cantor) is thrown out of his home town of West Rome, Oklahoma, he suddenly finds himself a slave in Ancient Rome, fighting to save Princess Sylvia (Gloria Stuart) from the clutches of corrupt Emperor Valerius (Edward Arnold).

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Ancient Greece and Rome
  • Busby Berkeley Films
  • Comedy
  • Do-Gooders
  • Eddie Cantor Films
  • Edward Arnold Films
  • Musicals
  • Slavery
  • Time Travel

Review:
Often cited as one of Eddie Cantor’s best vehicles, this lavish Depression-era musical features two far-out Busby Berkeley sequences, a bevy of nearly-nude “Goldwyn Girls” (including Lucille Ball), and a healthy dose of pre-Code humor (while selling himself on the slave market, Cantor coyly asserts, “I can take care of the children. If there are no children, I can take care of that. By being a son to you!”). In both West Rome and Ancient Rome (where he mysteriously time-travels after being knocked over on the street), Cantor gets to play one of his most likable characters — a genuinely well-meaning if timid guy who takes enormous risks to help others.

Although a little of Cantor goes a long way (and he’s on-screen all the time), fans will have plenty to enjoy. Meanwhile, Gloria Stuart (wearing a long blonde wig) has never been more fetching:

and statuesque Verree Teasdale is humorously villainous as the Emperor’s murderous wife.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Typically lavish Busby Berkeley musical numbers

Must See?
Yes, simply to see the enormously popular Cantor in one of his best films. Listed as a Personal Recommendation in the back of Peary’s book.

Categories

  • Historical Importance

Links:

Naked and the Dead, The (1958)

Naked and the Dead, The (1958)

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“You don’t mess around with the army: I don’t care who you are, you take orders.”

Synopsis:
During World War Two, a lieutenant (Cliff Robertson) in the Pacific clashes with his superior (Raymond Massey) over privileges afforded to officers, and is sent to the front to help a cynical sergeant (Aldo Ray) lead a platoon against the Japanese.

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Aldo Ray Films
  • Cliff Robertson Films
  • Raoul Walsh Films
  • Raymond Massey Films
  • Richard Jaeckel Films
  • Soldiers
  • World War Two

Review:
Raoul Walsh’s adaptation of Normal Mailer’s classic WWII-era novel is a notorious dud on every count. Retaining almost none of the brilliance or irreverence of Mailer’s writing, the end result is a pedestrian account of military combat in the Pacific, with power conflicts emerging as the script’s only viable theme. Raymond Massey is well-cast as a military bigwig who honestly believes in the necessity of maintaining fear and distance between soldiers and their commanding officers, but he’s the film’s sole redeeming feature. Read the book instead.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Raymond Massey as General Cummings

Must See?
No; definitely feel free to skip this one.

Links:

Plumber, The (1979)

Plumber, The (1979)

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“It’s what you can’t see that counts in plumbing; always remember that.”

Synopsis:
A working-class plumber (Ivar Kants) terrorizes the wife (Judy Morris) of an anthropologist (Robert Coleby).

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Australian Films
  • Cat-and-Mouse
  • Class Relations
  • Peter Weir Films
  • Psychological Horror

Review:
Made by writer-director Peter Weir for Australian television, this darkly humorous thriller is an unusual and strangely compelling treat. Judy Morris (as Jill) and Ivar Kants (as Max) are perfectly cast as opposites who immediately clash with one another when they’re forced into close proximity. Kants (effectively creepy) is deeply insecure about his working class background, and makes his scorn of intellectual Morris known immediately; after insinuating himself into her house (are there really plumbing problems in their pipes?), he proceeds to harass and mess with her, making snide comments about her lifestyle which she’s (initially) too polite to do anything about. It’s both ironic and strategic that Jill (a cultural anthropologist) is studying the “bizarre” cultural rituals of a Guinean tribe while simultaneously trying to deal with the equally inscrutable mystery of Max the Plumber. Will he harm her? Does he have ulterior motives? Or is Jill really going off the deep end? (Indeed, there’s a layer of feminist subtext to the plot, given that Jill has just recently chosen to give up her day job and stay at home.) Weir’s satirical brilliance lies in his ability to bring to the surface latent class tensions we’ve all felt at one time or another in our lives, as we’ve encountered people either more or less moneyed or educated than ourselves. Fortunately, he resists turning The Plumber into a traditional horror film, instead focusing on Jill’s increasingly paranoid reaction to Max, a feeling which no one around her — neither her distracted husband (Robert Coleby) nor her best friend (Candy Raymond) — seems to share. At just 77 minutes, The Plumber leaves you curious about its outcome until the very end; all film fanatics should check it out at least once.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Judy Morris as Jill
  • Ivar Kants as Max
  • A humorously creepy screenplay
  • Rory O’Donoghue and Gerry Tolland’s score

Must See?
Yes, as a most effective and unconventional thriller. Listed as a Sleeper and a Personal Recommendation (I agree) in the back of Peary’s book.

Categories

  • Good Show
  • Important Director

Links:

Diary of a Chambermaid, The (1946)

Diary of a Chambermaid, The (1946)

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“From now on I’m going to fight hard, and I don’t care who gets hurt, just so it’s not me.”

Synopsis:
A French chambermaid (Paulette Goddard) aspires to marry a wealthy man and become mistress of her own household. Meanwhile, she’s tasked with keeping the grown son (Hurd Hatfield) of her employers (Judith Anderson and Reginald Owen) happy during his visit home, and finds herself falling in love.

Genres:

  • Burgess Meredith Films
  • Hurd Hatfield Films
  • Jean Renoir Films
  • Judith Anderson Films
  • Paulette Goddard Films
  • Servants, Maids, and Housekeepers
  • Social Climbers

Review:
Burgess Meredith both co-starred in and wrote the screenplay for this unusual Hollywood comedy by Jean Renoir, starring Meredith’s then-wife Paulette Goddard in the title role. Loosely based on an epistolary novel by Octave Mirbeau, it tells the tale of a beautiful, feisty chambermaid who is quite rightly fed up with scrubbing floors, and determined to seduce a wealthy man, no matter his age. This leads to a dalliance with a wacky older captain (Meredith) living next door, but her pursuits are temporarily delayed by a sudden and inexplicable infatuation with dour Hurd Hatfield, who seems utterly mismatched for her spunky spirit. Meanwhile, the household’s equally ill-humored butler (Francis Lederer) begins to show hints of interest in Goddard, and plots to take advantage of his mistress’s long-earned trust in him. Unfortunately, none of this is particularly compelling or amusing, and the actors are so broadly directed that they emerge more as caricatures than sympathetic people. Goddard somehow manages to remain compelling throughout, but we can’t help wishing she had a better screenplay to work with. This film has numerous diehard fans — including Peary, who lists it as a Personal Recommendation — but I must say I’m not one of them.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Paulette Goddard as Celestine

Must See?
No, though fans of Renoir will surely be curious to check it out. Listed as a film with Historical Importance (I’m not sure why) and a Personal Recommendation in the back of Peary’s book.

Links:

Sin of Harold Diddlebock, The (1947)

Sin of Harold Diddlebock, The (1947)

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“Every man is the architect of his own fortune.”

Synopsis:
A recently fired accountant (Harold Lloyd) goes on a bender for the first time and becomes the owner of a circus, which he must then find a way to unload.

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Carnivals and Circuses
  • Comedy
  • Harold Lloyd Films
  • Preston Sturges Films

Response to Peary’s Review:
Peary labels this creative collaboration of silent comedian Harold Lloyd and writer-director Preston Sturges “disappointing but mildly amusing”. He accurately points out that it contains strong elements of both men’s prior work, given that the film literally opens with an extended clip from Lloyd’s silent classic The Freshman (1925), and is based upon a similar premise as Sturges’ The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek (1944) (with an unseen alcoholic bender producing hilariously challenging consequences). In truth, I think Peary underestimates this controversial film, which was inexplicably pulled from circulation, drastically edited, and renamed Mad Wednesday; it’s actually a most enjoyable slapstick comedy, filled with healthy doses of satirical humor. In his final film, Lloyd (looking MUCH younger than his 54 years) is at the top of his game, and Sturges’ script provides nonstop enjoyment until about 2/3rds of the way through, when Lloyd’s nonsensical plan to try to rid himself of his circus by visiting the offices of prominent bankers in Manhattan temporarily derails the story. Fortunately, things get back on track during the “film’s highlight”, which “finds Lloyd dangling high above [the] city by a rope attached to the neck of a lion”. As Peary notes, the entire cast — most notably Jimmy Conlin as Lloyd’s partner in crime, and Frances Ramsden as his gorgeous workplace crush — is “sterling”. A minor quibble: it’s too bad the title’s first word was changed from “saga” to “sin”, since the latter makes little sense.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Harold Lloyd as Harold Diddlebock
  • Fine supporting performances by Jimmy Conlin and others
  • Sturges’ zany screenplay

Must See?
Yes, as Harold Lloyd’s swan song.

Categories

  • Important Director

Links:

Streetwise (1984)

Streetwise (1984)

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“You wanna be downtown, you wanna be cool, you better learn the ways of the street.”

Synopsis:
Homeless teens survive on the streets of Seattle by panhandling, dumpster diving, selling drugs, and prostituting themselves.

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Documentary
  • Homeless
  • Survival
  • Teenagers

Response to Peary’s Review:
As Peary notes, this Oscar-nominated documentary about “street kids living in Seattle’s tenderloin” — a “world of street brawls, drugs, perverts on the make, filth, hassles with the police, frequent busts” — is “bruising cinema verite“. While the kids may “seem happy to be free of their parents and enjoying life on their own”, this is simply because life at home with their irresponsible and/or abusive parents and stepparents was so much worse. Indeed, some of the film’s most haunting sequences involve the kids visiting their parents, who are astonishingly blase about the fact that their kids are making a living on the street: one (an alcoholic waitress) simply assumes it’s a “phase” her daughter is going through, while another (a father in jail for burglary and arson) appears to want the best for his son but simultaneously ridicules and belittles him. It’s truly impressive how much access filmmakers Martin Bell, Mary Ellen Mark, and Cheryl McCall (whose initial article for Life magazine inspired the documentary) gain into the private lives of the kids and their families, down to hearing young pimps openly soliciting girls to work for them (weren’t they afraid of exposure?). Despite the recent glut of “reality” T.V. and documentaries, this early glimpse into the lives of homeless teens rises a cut above, and is guaranteed to linger in your thoughts long after it’s over.

Note: A 23-minute follow-up film was made about the life of one of the teens showcased in the movie (“Tiny”), but I haven’t yet been able to locate a copy. Any hints are most welcome.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Countless powerful sequences


Must See?
Yes; this one will haunt you long after it’s over.

Categories

  • Historical Relevance
  • Oscar Winner or Nominee

Links:

Outlaw Blues (1977)

Outlaw Blues (1977)

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“I’ve done more living in the past two weeks than I did in the last six years.”

Synopsis:
When an ex-convict (Peter Fonda) accidentally shoots a country-western star (James Callahan) who has stolen his song, he goes on the lam with a sympathetic singer (Susan Saint James) who hopes to make him a star.

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Composers
  • Ex-Cons
  • Folk Heroes
  • Outlaws
  • Peter Fonda Films

Review:
Much like Alan Rudolph’s Songwriter (1984), this comedic sleeper exposes the surprisingly cut-throat underbelly of the country-western scene, in which hit songs are truly a hot commodity, and unscrupulous wolves are eager to take advantage of “naive” talent wherever they can find it. In Outlaw Blues, Peter Fonda’s renegade actions ultimately lead him to folk hero status in the eyes of Austin’s liberal-minded music lovers; we root for him as well, because he’s so clearly been wronged on every level. Unfortunately, the story itself is rather implausible — would Callahan really be so dumb as to steal someone else’s song when it was recorded in front of countless witnesses? — and Callahan (much like Richard Sarafian’s unscrupulous agent in Songwriter) is frustratingly one-note; in addition, the numerous chase scenes become rather tiresome (look for evidence of Roger Ebert’s ubiquitous Fruit Cart Rule). But Susan Saint James is charmingly feisty as Fonda’s partner-in-crime, and director Richard Heffron makes good use of diverse locales in Austin and surrounding areas. The film’s overall air of infectious lightheartedness makes it worth a look, once, if you’re interested.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Susan Saint James as Tina
  • Fine use of authentic Texas locales

Must See?
No, but it’s a pleasant enough diversion. Listed as a Sleeper in the back of Peary’s book.

Links:

Private Affairs of Bel Ami, The (1947)

Private Affairs of Bel Ami, The (1947)

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“I do not think it is easy to be a successful scoundrel.”

Synopsis:
A caddish social climber (George Sanders) in 19th century England woos a series of women, then discards them — all while remaining in love with a penniless widow (Angela Lansbury).

Genres, Themes, Actors, and Directors:

  • Angela Lansbury Films
  • Ann Dvorak Films
  • Frances Dee Films
  • George Sanders Films
  • Historical Drama
  • John Carradine Films
  • Warren William Films
  • Womanizers

Review:
George Sanders starred in all three of director Albert Lewin’s literary adaptations: W. Somerset Maugham’s The Moon and Sixpence (1942), Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945), and this film (based on Guy de Maupassant’s novel Bel Ami). With his droll delivery and arrogant demeanor, Sanders at first seems perfectly cast in the title role as corrupt journalist George Duroy, whose monetary and social aspirations lead him to cruelly manipulate the countless women who fall for his charms. Yet we never fully understand why Sanders’ “Bel Ami” is so appealing to females: he’s handsome, but not irresistibly so, and is ultimately too icily self-contained to convince us of his persuasive powers as a lover. With that said, the women he woos — particularly Angela Lansbury as his one true love, and Ann Dvorak as the wealthy wife of his consumptive best friend (John Carradine) — give fine, empathetic performances, allowing us to vicariously experience the suffering he inflicts. The film is beautifully shot, with striking cinematography by Russell Metty and creative period detail.

Redeeming Qualities and Moments:

  • Angela Lansbury as Clotilde
  • Ann Dvorak as Madeleine
  • Atmospheric cinematography by Russell Metty
  • Creative set designs

Must See?
No, but it’s worth viewing once.

Links: